I find it horrible that I haven't touched this since February. I still check it on a daily basis, but writing.. well, I'm not doing much of that these days. At least, not the computer variety. I have a black spiral sketchbook (probably left over from when Kathy suggested I learn to draw once upon a time) that I'm using for my writing group and that's about it. The things I write there are not being re-written, or even revisited. I feel like I'm ready to move on to a larger solo project, but that last little push isn't there.

I'm reading books about writing, listening to podcasts about writing, and talking to Kendra, a lot, about writing. What I'm not doing is actually writing more than a few quick writes each week with the girls. But considering I haven't touched this since February, I suppose that's already a lot more than I was doing.

But what I've really come to say is, I think I may be moving off of Livejournal and back onto something more private because I have an itch to design up my domain again and throw some stuff up there. Maybe as practice for the wedding-info site I need to put up for December. I dunno.

Or maybe it's just one more thing: "I can write as soon as I x, y, z.."

Stolen from Val!

The first 5 people that respond to this post will get something made by me. It will be about, or tailored to, those first five people who respond.

This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:
- I make no guarantees that you will like what I make.
- What I create will be just for you.
- It'll be done this year.
- You have no clue what it's going to be. It may be a mix tape. It may be fic, or a poem. I may draw or paint something. I might bake you something and mail it to you. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure!
- I reserve the right to do something extremely strange (you really should be worried at this point).

The catch? Oh, the catch is that you have to put this in your journal as well, if you expect me to do something for you!

The Lucky List
1.  grbggrl 
2.
3.
4.
5.

A week or so ago Bob and I got into Reception Planning Mode.  It's fun, because not only are Kathy and Ben fully into it, but a girlfriend at work is also getting married (in July!).  There's constant wedding talk.  Bob and I are still hashing out what we want to do, exactly, but I think we have a pretty good idea now what suits us.  (It's very interesting being with someone who actually has an opinion.  ;D)

Today we'll go to a Victorian-esque house in Hemet to see how it looks inside.  It's gorgeous from the outside, but I'm not all too thrilled about the location.  Even if we don't decide to go this route, at least I will have finally gotten to see the inside of that place.  

We're trying to keep costs down.. which is also nerve wracking.  At 18 I had no idea how much anything cost.. and I'd also be willing to bet that things have gotten a lot more expensive in the last eight years. 

There's still the matter of what type of dress, what song to dance to, how to chop down the guest list a bit.. oh, and about a million other things. 

But at least there's incentive.  See, I've been doing rather well since the beginning of the year -- eating my fruits and veggies, drinking my water, getting in my exercise.  I figure, had I stuck to it last year and been patient, I'd be a lot closer to where I want to be now.  So.. looking at it that way, perhaps by Christmas time I'll be able to fit nicely into the dress I have my eye on (No, I'm not sharing the picture just yet!).  But we'll see.  

However it turns out it will be nice to finally meet a lot more of Bob's family, as well as celebrate with my own.  :)

January

"Goddamn it, Cory.  I miss you already.  This house is way too quiet now."

February

"I'm sitting here watching the sun rays creep into my boy's room and slowly drift across his sleeping face. "

March

"I'll admit I've been glancing at Abe's Myspace every once in a while over the last several months --"

April

"Mostly I spend my days keeping busy:  working with my brother on the new side of Stick It Graphics, cleaning out cupboard after cupboard in my home, making closet space.. and so on."

May

"My posting habits are changing."

July

"Apparently it took until yesterday for the 14-year-old inside of me to realize, yes, Katie, there will be an X-Files movie."

August

"Found this on Fark today."

September

Not an entry, just a link to Eli Mattson's video.  <3

October

"I feel like I should take some time to wax poetic about all of this, since these last few weeks have been absolutely magical, but.. my head isn't there yet."

November

"Roughly 52 percent of you bought into those happy yellow "Yes on Proposition 8!" signs with people holding hands."

. . .

So my posting is few and far between these days.  I skipped June and December completely, despite the fact that I'm sure there were many things to write about.  Facebook has made me lazy.  I've got to feeling that if I snap up a million pictures I can simply post those and let them do all the talking for me.

Life is progressing.  We've had Cory here for nearly his full duration (Disneyland tomorrow and Seaport Village still left for tonight!), have had a marvelous Christmas and New Years.. it's been a fun time.  This entire year, despite the economy worries, has been one of my best in a long, long time.  I've taken on a lot of responsibilities this year and I think that I'm finally, finally getting the hang of this "grown-up thing."  I've had friends take huge steps in their relationships, huge steps in their careers.. and I can't be prouder.  I feel confident at work and at home and am finding myself ready to take on even more challenges in the coming year. 

Last year's resolution was this:

"So the only resolution I'm making this year is to do everything in my power to chase my dreams.  To allow myself to feel magical all year long.  To love hard and long and kick the What If's in their metaphorical buckteeth.  To make up for at least three years of feeling like I'd settled for my lot in life.  No more "this is as good as it gets."  Because it isn't and it never has to be."

I think I did pretty well.  :D

Last night we made history.

Last night I felt proud of my country in a way that I haven't felt in years.  When abroad I usually hang my head and try to play it off as me being Canadian or something, rather than admit this mess is part mine.  Yet here we are.  Our country is ever changing and last night was the greatest example of that.

This morning I read this comment on someone else's livejournal:

"As a Canadian watching his speech, I was struck by how an American flag has never looked so benevolent to me as the ones fluttering behind Obama. Gone are the days where the stars and stripes make my stomach knot up.

Congratulations."

The impact we have on ourselves is one thing, but the impact we have on the world?  That's amazing. 

I'm in awe this morning. 

Congratulations, indeed.

I feel like I haven't posted on here in forever.  Live has been very busy.  I feel like I'm still running even when I'm sitting down.  It's almost as if I can't turn my mind off long after my legs have given up.

It's a strange place to be.  On one hand, I'm very happy.  This month has brought me plenty of entertainment, continued employment and a husband.  On the other hand, I'm stressed.  It mostly sits under the surface, but every once in a while something will accidentally poke at it and it all comes boiling over.  I'm worried about the immigration forms (despite our attorney assuring us he does this all the time, here's the information and why it'll work, etc, etc.. not to mention the personal success story that works in the department next to mine), I'm worried about my job (not because I'm doing badly, but because of the economy), I'm worried (but only a little) about getting everything worked out and completed for the Haunted House.  

I think November will, hopefully, bring me a little less stress.  Fingers-crossed that the election shifts things in our country, that the paperwork goes smoothly and the free time I will have will do something to relax me.  Then we gear up for the holidays.. but something tells me it'll be a fun and mellow time.  I can't wait to spend Christmas with my husband.  :)

I feel like I should take some time to wax poetic about all of this, since these last few weeks have been absolutely magical, but.. my head isn't there yet. I haven't felt that familiar tingle that trickles from my brain to my fingers when it's time to write. No nagging phrases forcing me to sit down and grab a pen. No, I need to get the details straight, talk to the lawyer and make sure everything is in line before I can give in to the creative side.

So, without sounding too much like I'm just making a doctor's appointment or posting my school schedule, here's what's going on:

Bob and I are hurrying the legal part of this arrangement along. We're hiring an immigration lawyer and he's going to help us through getting all the paperwork squared away so Bob doesn't have to go anywhere. It's true that perhaps, because his father has processed other forms, that Bob may not accumulate any "bad time" (which sounds awful, the more I read about it) past his passport stay, but we don't want to take any chances.

I don't ever want to wake up without him by my side and have to chat with him via webcam again. Especially not for the 15 months I've been warned about.

So! Wednesday, at 2 pm, in Riverside County, we're scheduled to get married at the court house. This is just to keep things legal. We're not having guests, really -- aside from family -- as there isn't a lot of room in the court house. All that will be saved for next year, December-ish, where we can have something bigger and everyone from out of state/country can make their travel arrangements if they so desire.

That gives Bob and me plenty of time to decide on the theme of our wedding, too. ;D Nothing too traditional here, I don't think!

Also: Thanks again for all the well-wishes! We're so fortunate to have so many wonderful friends from all over the globe. I only hope we'll be seeing most, if not all!, of you come December of 2009. :)

In other news, Kim and I had a good first brainstorm on Tuesday, I think.

And Bob is happy with his birthday present.

Yay. :)

It's really hard to keep track of one's hormones when the assumed physical response doesn't show up.  But yesterday, man.  Let's just say that Bob's a saint for putting up with pouty me. 

See, we're creating our office; moving things into our space so it seems more like ours and less just like mine.  I don't like not being around my books, turns out.  That's why I moved back into the little green room in the first place.  So, our solution to this is to move the books out here.  The trouble is, I started before he was awake and worked myself into all kinds of frustration for hours.  This eventually led to me in tears because the two rooms were a mess and I didn't know if I should just move the books back into the little room or continue on.  

Hormones are so dumb.

Aside from my one-person-drama, the books are now almost resting happily on their familiar shelves in an unfamiliar room.  I like it, though.  The office is so big we have room to get a little coffee table for the green couch.  So there's reading space and computing (read: gaming) space.  A little part of me is quietly triumphant over this being Abe's dream office.  But that might just be those hormones again.

The Rossi Concrete company picnic was on Saturday.  It was quite the to-do.  See, there are about 130 field workers in addition to the 25-or-so I work with in the office.  These field guys all brought their huge families to take part in the free food, free beer, free games (horseshoes!), and free jolly jumps for the kids.  It was fun.. though a little strange for me to be hanging out with these people outside of normal work hours.  Bob got to meet the coworkers he'd had yet to meet and put faces to all the names I bring home every day.

That was Saturday.  Sunday I had my book moving break-down.  And now it's Monday again.  Five days to ready the house for the arrival of Bob's mother.  Oh, and pick out paint, because Monday and Tuesday we're having our bedroom, Abe's old office (now probably labeled "Puck's Room"), and the downstairs bathroom repainted.  While Lynn's here.  I'm still a little mortified.. but everyone insists that it's okay.  And yay, she'll get to see the change happen. 

Other good news.  It's September and I already have one Christmas present purchased.  The plan was to get it all done this month, since October will be all about Aviva's wedding, Bonnie and Dad's birthdays, BlizzCon and the haunted house.. but so far I only managed one gift.   And it's not really fair, since that was purchased back in July or something.  I'm promising right here and now not to go too crazy with gift buying.  I'm paying for health insurance now and that tacks on an extra $250 a month.  Handmade gifts for all!

Time to finish getting ready for work.  I'll probably end up staying late today.  We have early morning meetings on Tuesdays and due to one of the PMs not having his information together, I end up staying late working on all of it.  Not my PM though.  No sir.

Jacked from Kim.

Make me take pictures. Ask for pictures of whatever you can think of (me, my room, my favorite shirt, my pets, etc.), and I'll take the pictures and post them in a later post.

If we're not friends on there for some reason, I think clicking here will get you there.  Hop to!

So, I'm sitting in Coffee Bean on my break, taking advantage of the free WiFi. I think Coffee Bean is finally winning me over in the Coffee Chain category. They came up with a maple oat scone (which I shouldn't have really gotten, due to sugar and watching things and the fact that I'm full to bursting now, but..) which is lovely. Have it warmed. Go on a cold day. Like today.

Man. It's just about Autumn. I love it. There's just something about today. The quiet at work (due to most of the fellas going golfing or to meetings), the coziness I feel watching the fountain dribble unhindered by wind for the first time n a while, the general darkness of the sky.

I'm just really happy. I'm done with the heat. This is a pleasant change.

One thing I have been lax on is starting my writing. Really starting it. I had an issue the last weekend when I really sat down and tried to start.. but now I think I'm reaching some resolution on that. I did this whole silly "sign a contract with myself" thing about the writing. That was on the third. It's the twelfth. Not doing so hot there. But! The weekend might lend itself to some writing after Lynn-Preparations have finished.

Bob's mother is coming to visit for a week on the 20th. I'm completely thrilled. It's so weird to be excited about my SO's (domestic partner, actually, if you ask our insurance company!) mother.. but a good weird. She's a really wonderful woman and she obviously did a great job on her son, so. Eeeee. :D

Other things to be happy about? Bob and I have an "Our Office" now, instead of just having "My Office." We're transforming the loft into a workspace we can share equally. I'm a little nostalgic about my green faery'd room, but I'm also realizing it's my whole house.. if I want to put fun stuff elsewhere, I can. I don't know why I didn't think that way before. The plan is to evenly disperse the rest of the things I want out throughout the other rooms. Painters come on the 22nd to do our bedroom. And then, after that, I think I'm done with projects for a while. I just want to keep things clean and happy and feeling home-y.

:)

I'm gearing up to take on something huge.  My head is having a hard time wrapping itself around the enormity of such a project, so instead it keeps me busy with mundane tasks instead of what I should be focused on.  

I move around the house, thinking it'll be easier to focus here.  No here.  No, outside.  No, too many bugs.  Inside.  Back upstairs I finally walk and then, once around the computer, I distract myself with checking websites I've already checked, reading articles I've already read, and watching Eli Mattson four more times this morning until my head decided hey, You need a Live Journal icon of this kid.

It's 10:30 and I've been up since eight.

It's not even homework or Rossi-work.  But it's time to start breaking it all down, outlining, drawing up drafts and getting it out of my head and onto paper that's not littered with strange punctuation and sentence breaks.  It's time for restructuring and editing.  Time for falling in love with writing again.

I used to think that maybe I used that to save myself, emotionally, from a doomed marriage.  I thought that was my escape.  Once I got away and, months later, became deliriously happy, why would I need to write again?  I don't want to escape.  I like it here.

Turns out, that's not just something I can turn off.   I don't just drive down a road every morning on my way to work -- I narrate my journey in my head and wax poetic about sunrises and morning dew.  Sometimes I go further and fabricate a twist to the end of the same ol' drive to the office.  

So, the other night, Bob and I went to the bookstore and we purchased some inspiration.  I've read Stephen King's On Writing.  I've read Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird.  I have the creative part down.  I know the story.  It's the structure and the pacing that I need.  The drive to get it down.  I need to stop worrying that it won't be perfect just as it falls down onto paper or screen.  I need to write this like I write in my Livejournal -- with no editing and no cares.  There's always time for that fine toothed comb later.  

And then once I've got something -- anything -- the collaboration can begin.  I'm excited.  I'm also scared.

But I want this.

Okay.. you know what sucks though?  They cut to the Las Vegas footage we didn't get to see.. and I think that's Elton John's Your Song.  I WANT TO SEE IT SO BADLY OMG.

Also, Eli's Myspace.  Original songs here.

Omg swoon.

Another link.

WTF.

Going to a wedding today.. and then saying goodbye to Jen.  :(  More later.

Uhm..

Oh, dear.